


A Different Stillness

by BandaBecca



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 17:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20067616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandaBecca/pseuds/BandaBecca
Summary: The Inquisitor has to give up her feelings for Commander Cullen when she wants someone who is willing to fight for her. But then, at the ball in Skyhold where she decides to finally give up, Cullen is finally honest about his feelings for her.





	A Different Stillness

‘Look at him. My breasts could fall out of this dress and he wouldn’t notice.’

Cassandra’s cheeks flushed as she spoke. ‘You give yourself too little credit. Do you really believe he doesn’t feel something for you?’

I watched him across the rippling movement of the dancers between us. He was talking with Leliana, their heads down, voices lowered. As Cass and I looked on, our eyes met. I started but didn’t look away. He, on the other hand, averted his eyes and cleared his throat. I didn’t have to be within hearing distance to catch the action.

I sighed, focusing again on Cassandra. ‘It doesn’t matter what I think. He won’t test propriety.’ I wanted him to, of course I did, but…‘I deserve someone who thinks I’m worth that.’

She angled her body away from me and toward the dancers with a huff. ‘You’re right.’ She leaned into me slightly, her arm touching mine, and I was glad for the gesture. ‘If he wasn’t so damn bull-headed.’

I still wanted so badly to be wrong about him, but I didn’t have time to think about it anymore. I had more pressing issues to attend to, and I’d spent enough time thinking about him when I should have been collecting secrets for Leliana. Times like then I felt a stab of regret for agreeing to be the Inquisitor because if I hadn’t, I could spend as much time focused on my personal life as I wanted. Use this ball as more than a chance to collect blackmail and enact political manoeuvres. 

A hand slipped around mine, the warm metal decorating fingers I recognised. 

Dorian slid in front of the two of us as graceful as ever. ‘Seeker, Inquisitor. You look infernally serious here at this party.’

I felt lighter already. ‘If I looked as delicious as you, maybe I would have more reason to smile.’

‘Are you joking?’ His voice was honey. ‘I could take ten bites each of you right now.’

Cassandra scoffed but smiled into her collar.

He leaned close to me, his dark eyes alive and daring, the way I loved seeing him best. ‘Dance with me.’

He still surprised me sometimes with how well he read me. I let Cassandra nudge me forward as he pulled me among the other dancers.

When he led, he made me feel like I could fall on my face and he’d make me look enviously poised. Over the next few minutes, he pulled me close, spun me away, tweaked my chin. His eyes never left mine, and I was washed over in how grateful I was to have found a friend who I knew, I knew, would always be with me. 

I was smiling, laughing, filled to overflowing with the joy I felt as the dance, the heat, and the wine soaked deeper into my skin.

The song changed from fast to slow, and I laughed as Dorian playfully yanked me closer to him, moving us through the other dancers to the edge of the dance floor. I didn’t feel ready to stop, to be returned to reality where I’d have to dance with more nobles with their sticky bodies and stickier words.

The Inquisitor couldn’t be seen pouting, so I did my damnedest not to look bitter as I led us into the semi-privacy lent by a drooping curtain.

He was breathing as heavily as I was when I said, ‘You’re worth 1,000 of them, you know that?’

‘Of course, but it doesn’t hurt to heart it out loud.’

I smiled and shoved him lightly on the shoulder. His gaze fluttered over my shoulder and he groaned. ‘It’s Lord Cornelius. You have 5 seconds.’

I didn’t need to be told twice. I squeezed his hand as I ducked under his arm and into the Rotunda. I cut through quickly, pushing through the next door, stopping short on the bridge leading to Cullen’s office. I swallowed. I was too used to taking this path, and I realised with a pang that I needed to get out of the habit. 

I looked down at the glowing lights in the courtyard below and the boisterous chatter of the groups clustering around the fires. My breath swirled around me in the chill of the air, dashed away by the wind raising gooseflesh over my arms and chest, the sheer fabric of the dress little protection against the light snow that had been falling since this afternoon.

It felt anonymous here above everyone else while they laughed and enjoyed each other, but I couldn’t stay. I could curl up in Dorian’s chair in his library for a while, just long enough until Lord Cornelius found a new target. He was resilient though, and any attempt to outrun him was only temporary. I turned back toward the Rotunda door. If only—

Cullen was standing in the threshold, the warm yellow light behind him silhouetting him against the blackness outside. 

‘Cullen! I—’ I couldn’t see the expression on his face, but his stillness felt…different.

He strode toward me, the lines of his face coming clearer with each step. 

He was still a few metres away when I asked, ‘What are you doing out here?’

His cheeks were pink when he reached me, the set of his brows determined. It was a look of his that I particularly admired.

‘I could ask the same of you. Come with me,’ he said, striding toward his office, looking back to see if I followed.

I did. 

I closed the door behind me, and he was already there, holding up his cloak for me. My heart stuttered, and I let him slip it over my shoulders. I tried to hide the sound of my deep inhale, but it was hard to cover up the reflex when it smelled exactly as I’d imagined. I held it up higher to my chin and turned to face him. He rubbed his hands on my shoulders, smoothing the fabric.

His hands lingered, and I looked up into his eyes in the dim light. His mind wasn’t here with me, I could see it, but before I could speak, he dropped his hands slowly.

‘You look beautiful tonight.’

Well, that I hadn’t expected, but I tried not to show my surprise. ‘I’m…pleased you noticed,’ I dared. ‘Thank you.’

His determination was back, and I kicked my heart to beating. Was he going to…

‘I do notice. I always do. I should have said so.’

I tucked my hair behind my ear, hoping but unwilling to trust that he was saying what I wanted him to. ‘I don’t like guessing.’

‘Well then,’ he said, taking a step closer to me. I inhaled sharply, and I could feel the heat radiating from his chest.

His expression flickered, and he looked down at our feet. I took his hand, pushing my fingers between his, and his eyes leapt back up to mine. 

‘Olivier, I—have to tell you—’

He leaned over me, his eyes beginning to close. I had been right, right about his feelings, and so wrong about him remaining idle. 

His lips pressed against mine, gently, unhurried. Heat flushed into my chest at the rush from his touch, and I rested one hand on his hip.

He didn’t hesitate now, his warm lips gently closing over my bottom one. I breathed in the sweet smell of him, my mouth curving into a soft smile. 

I pulled away, my lips still tingling. I opened my eyes slowly to his, just a breath away. ‘Why tonight?’

He leaned back a bit then, not meeting my eyes.

‘Cullen?’

‘I should have done this months ago. It wasn’t that I’m your Commander…although I probably should probably be worried about that too…’ He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I thought…hoped you felt something too, the hints were all there, but I couldn’t risk being wrong.’ He looked back again. ‘That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that to you.’

I kissed the corner of his mouth. I’d waited, and it was torture, but he was here now, and I wasn’t going to waste his confession. 

‘Leliana got to me first. She saw…how I looked at you. Then I saw you dancing with Dorian, and I…felt like…’ he took my hands, his gaze pleading. ‘I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to know, to try to be close to you like that, and if I couldn’t, to find a way to move on.’

I didn’t know what to say. Or if his words made me more happy or sad. I hid my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around him. The form of his body against me demanded my attention, the hardness in some places, the softness in others, all of it fulfilling what my imagination had been poorly providing before now.

‘And then Cassandra pushed me out the door after you.’

I laughed against his neck, kissing the skin there. I’d have to thank them both tomorrow. I rested my forehead against his chin, and he stilled.

The air felt heavy on my shoulders, and he could feel it too, even if I couldn’t say how I knew. Slowly I leaned up and pressed another kiss just below his ear. I followed that with another, and yet another, a necklace of kisses to his other side, his grip around my waist gradually tightening. Before I had placed the last kiss, he put his hands on either side of my face, kissing me hard on the mouth. I melted into the heat that coiled in my chest, giving myself over to him. I let him lead me backward to his setae, unwilling to stop our momentum after denying it this long.

He guided me on my back, climbing over me, a sweet pressure settling over me under his weight. He kissed the shell of my ear, whispered my name, and I weaved my fingers through his hair, pulling him down closer to me. He answered by sucking my neck, not too hard, for risk of leaving a mark in this low-cut dress. The caution was so undeniably Cullen that it pulled me from the moment briefly with a thought that we’d have to return to the party soon. Then Cullen’s hand reached under my skirt and trailed up my inner thigh.

I didn’t recognise the sound that I made then, a kind of breathy moan, but Cullen ignited when he heard it. He released an answering groan and pressed his body more firmly down on me, capturing my lips once again, pressing his erection against my thigh. I trailed my fingers down his chest and over his cock, closing my hand around it as much as I could while it was hidden in his trousers.

He broke our kiss, burying his face in my hair. ‘Maker’s breath,’ he gasped.

I didn’t want to stop, but…I needed to get back, I shouldn’t have left in the first place. ‘Cullen, I—’ 

‘Oh, Olivier, me too.’

I put both hands on his chest, taking a shaking breath. ‘No, we have to stop.’ I opened my eyes. ‘We’ve been gone too long as it is.’

I leaned up on an elbow as he sat back, his hair dishevelled and lips pink and puffy. He looked gorgeous. 

He dragged a hand across his forehead. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry, I got carried away.’

I sat up fully, kissing his jaw, not trusting myself with anywhere else and risking falling into him again. ‘And Creators, I loved it.’

His blush returned.

I smoothed his hair down as best I could, but I couldn’t get it to look the same as before. Still, this was far better, ruffled a bit, but it looked intentional. And whatever else, it didn’t look like I’d had my fingers through it, prepared to keep him with me until long after everyone else was in bed.

I pulled him from the setae, brushing the wrinkles out of his suit jacket.

‘Uh…’ His eyes were focused above mine. ‘Your hair is a bit mussed too.’

I laid a hand on it, curls spilling out from the many clips they been placed in, in what felt like a hundred years ago. 

I huffed. ‘Can you get Leliana? She can keep a secret, and she’d find out anyway.’

My skin sang for Cullen the rest of the evening, and I struggled to keep my face clear in those moments when our eyes found each other. I hoped I was doing a better job of it than he was, who was smiling much too conspicuously most of the night. Worse still, was once when I glanced at him during a dance with an Orlesian noble, and his eyes were dark, tracking my every movement, mouth curled in a wicked expression. My stomach ignited with electricity to see him watch me like that. What must he have been imagining? The look was so surprising on his features that I stumbled, the noble using the opportunity to hold me tighter. I glanced over her shoulder to Cullen, who cleared his expression except for the fierce blush. 

Later, I walked with Leliana, a welcome reprieve from dancing, and told her the secrets I’d collected. She led us to Bull and Cullen before I noticed, the latter of whom stopped talking at our approach, face sheepish. Bull’s eye moved from Cullen to me, and a slow smile crept across his face.

If Bull started on this, the whole room would know in less than two minutes.

He laughed as if he’d caught us doing something far more controversial than we had. ‘Shit, finally! If only I could have been there when you two—ah!’ He leapt forward, hands darting to his ass. Leliana and Cullen jumped at his outburst, and Bull looked down at me darkly. ‘Not. Nice.’ The purple sparks dissolved from the tops of my fingers. He didn’t pursue the subject any longer.

My head felt full of cotton, but I claimed it to be worse than it was when I slipped away to my quarters. I undressed quickly, pulling on the black leathers from when I used to sneak around human cities. I wore them even more now than I did then, finding many more opportunities when I preferred not to be seen. I went back down my staircase, taking the side door that lead to another set of stairs and opened just off Vivienne’s solar.

I crouched and peered over the railing. Scanning the crowd, I doubted too many of them were sober enough to see me, even if I wasn’t trying to remain hidden. And there was Cullen, eyes occasionally darting to the door of my chambers.

I dashed to Vivienne’s solar and fiddled through a stack of papers until I found a blank one. Returning to my spot, I tore off a small piece, rolled in in a ball, and flicked it at Cullen.

It bounced off the top of his head, and he froze. I flicked another, and he ran his hand through his hair. I flicked one more, and finally he looked up. I slid slightly into the light, and his face softened when he saw me. My heart stuttered at the look, and I jerked my head toward the exit. He nodded, the sweet smile lingering on his face, and I slipped back into the shadows.

I leapt off the balcony over the main entrance, darting from one rocky outcropping to the next, strategically falling. I somersaulted at the bottom of the steps to break my landing, and after that, keeping hidden in the courtyard was simple with the distance between the torches. Rushing up his stairs, I closed myself in his office well before he arrived. I felt jittery, and I fought not to stare at the door like a puppy.

But he took forever. He must have gotten trapped by those swarming nobles that I’d seen trying to take a whiff of him earlier. Literally. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and leaning against one of his bookcases. Finally, he burst through the door, and I straightened.

I was too well hidden. His eyes travelled the room, walking right past me, whispering my name. I stepped forward, trailing behind him, and glazed my fingers down the back of his neck, over his shoulder, and down his arm. 

The last few months of hesitation were gone as he quickly spun to face me, lips going for my neck before moving to my earlobe. 

My breath caught at his sudden attention, heat swirling to my core as I clutched his shoulder. ‘C-Cullen,’ I whispered.

He pulled back, resting one hand on the shelf behind me, the other on my hip. ‘That was torture. I can’t tell you how hard it was to see you out there, working the room, being so close, but not able to…’ His eyes left my face and trailed down my torso. ‘It was like…’ He smiled at me for a moment, just a moment, then he kissed me hard. I didn’t break away to tell him I’d felt the same, and instead opened my lips for him, slipping my tongue against his. I felt shy at the action, but he met my desire with his own. He tucked his hand under my hair and against my neck while pinning me between him and the ridges of the bookcase. I felt so pleasantly overwhelmed by his solidness, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy the itch under my skin for him. I needed to touch his bare skin with mine.

I slipped my fingers from his hair to the top of his left shoulder. I fumbled with the clasp, moving down to the others until the fabric hung from his shoulders, the white tunic underneath thin enough that I could feel the lines of his chest under my palm. 

I yanked the tunic from the band of his trousers, plunging my hands under it and up his torso. 

Cullen slowed and placed one of his hands over mine, holding it tight over his fluttering heart. He pressed his forehead to mine, and we shared a breath together. He leaned back, searching my face.

He paused before asking, ‘Are you happy?’

My skin felt made of light under his fingers. I wanted to be ever closer to him, to never leave this office. ‘I’ve wanted to feel this for a long time. I—’ Maybe there weren’t words to tell him how I felt, so I didn’t need to struggle to find them. ‘Yes.’

Before I could ask him the same, his hands framed my face, slowly caressing my skin. But it was his eyes that stopped me. In the darkness, I couldn’t make out the golden honey I knew was there, but the set of his eyes was vulnerable, soft, attuned completely on me. 

I reached for the ties of my top, the leather slipping away easily. I didn’t remove the garment and I didn’t at him, suddenly nervous that this might be too much, too far. But then his hands shifted to my shoulders. I looked back to his face. He was watching me, eyes searching. He leaned down, brushing his lips to mine, and my top dropped to the floor.

His hands traced down between my breasts before lining the underside of each one with his thumbs. His fingers avoided the tight pinkness, and I held my breath against his mouth in anticipation. He flattened his hands, and rubbed them across my stomach, taking his time feeling every inch, and just when I felt I couldn’t be on the edge any longer, he took both my breasts in his hands, pinching my nipples between the second joints of his fingers.

I moaned against his lips, clinging to him. I reached for his suit jacket, shoving it off his shoulders and pulling at his tunic until he broke away from me to pull it over his head in a rush. We reached for each other at the same time, bringing our skin together, the heat of his chest rubbing me beautifully.

He held me, breathing together, as we got used to the feeling of being so close. His left arm circled my back while the other reached higher up my stomach to my chest. My head was swimming, and I struggled to stay grounded, present in this moment and not miss a second of it. 

I wasn’t afraid to be bold this time, and I snaked my hand down past his stomach, loosening the tie on his trousers. I hesitated, waiting for his indication he might want me to slow down or stop, but he only kissed me harder. 

I moved my lips to his collar bone, watching my hand push past the band of his trousers, my fingers meeting course hair. I didn’t have to push much farther before I met the smooth hardness of his cock. I turned my wrist and dragged my fingers from base to tip.

His hand left my back, and a thump resounded near my right ear. I jumped, looking over my shoulder where his fist now rested, knuckles white.

‘Don’t—don’t stop,’ he breathed against my ear. 

I bit my lip against the smile and reached down again. I repeated the action like he asked, then instead did what I was desperate to. I wrapped my fingers around his whole thickness, pumping once.

‘Sweet Andras—,’ he said before his words morphed into something indistinguishable. He kissed me and didn’t let go as he moved his hands under my ass, lifting me from the ground and turning us around until I was sitting on the edge of his desk. I tucked my thumb into his trousers, pulling them down over his cock, hard and wanting.

I took a good look then, reaching out and closing my hand over him, pressing my head against his chest and breathing hard. 

I reached for his hand with my unoccupied one, and pulled him toward me with both hands, his shy smile reflecting mine. I was uncertain how best to touch him, to make him let go of all the other things that normally distracted us from letting ourselves be more than our titles. His fingers rested on my thighs, his eyes shut tight. 

‘Will you come upstairs with me?’ he asked before looking at me with an unprotected expression, one that I’d never seen from him, or anyone else. My stomach churned, a flash of nerves for this thing I’d been waiting for. To go to bed with him. To forget everything except the way he made me feel. To see him look at me the way he was looking at me now.

I couldn’t get up the ladder fast enough. 

I tried to hide my smile as I looked around the sparse space. It was so undeniably Cullen. The bare minimum to sleep and function, except there, on his night stand, was a sprig of lavender.

He came up behind me, running his hands up my back to my shoulders and down my arms, his mouth returning to my neck. He entwined his fingers with mine on one hand, while his other moved to my leather trousers. I held my breath as his fingertips tucked behind the band and under my small clothes, seeking ever lower. My skin was alight, sensitive beyond anything I’d ever felt, and with every millimetre he pressed forward, I gasped a breath, too on edge to remember to exhale.

I couldn’t wait any longer, I couldn’t. And as I thought it, one finger pushed past my folds, circling my clit. My breath left me in a rush, and I reached up to his neck, holding tight, not trusting my legs to hold me. He searched farther, his finger slipping inside me. I moaned, and his self-control broke as he mumbled a curse against my ear. 

I stepped away from him, pulling the trousers smoothly off my legs and turning to face him as I backed toward his bed. His eyes roamed my body, watching every muscle as I moved. He pushed his own trousers hurriedly off his legs, struggling when they caught on his boots, but the moment he was free of them, he strode forward, holding me against him as he lowered us down to the bed. His heat as he pushed our skin together was overpowering, and I had to close my eyes against the sensation that there was too much in my mind to keep up with. I whispered his name, holding him tight and burying my face into his neck. 

He pulled away, looking down at me, eyes bright. ‘You are…this is…’ he smiled and kissed me. 

I smiled too. I had to, his joy was contagious. ‘Be with me, Cullen.’

He laid his hand on my cheek and pulled his thumb across my lips before pressing his own against them. I breathed him in, tasted him, pressed into him, ever aware of the slow movement his hand made down my chest, circling a nipple then cupping me in his hand. His mouth replaced his fingers, his rolling tongue sending a jolt down to my toes. His hand moved down to my lips, and he rubbed me slowly. I cried out, muscles tensing against the overflow of everything my body registered. He moved his mouth to the other nipple and dipped his finger into my cunt. The sensation was foreign and delicious, and I shuddered under him. I reached down to grasp his hardness in my hand, circling the tip with a finger before gliding my hand down the length of him. His hand tensed briefly inside me, then sped up its movements, the change in intensity sending coldness up my spine. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer, but I overdid it in my frenzy, and he fell forward onto me. 

One of his hands was on each side of my head, and my fingers were still wrapped around his cock. ‘Cullen.’ I angled my hips higher, guiding his cock to my cunt. He looked at me then, really looked at me, and I kissed him while he entered me slowly. The stretch of him gave a slight tug, but I didn’t register it for more than a moment as his fingers moved to the side of my face, stroking my temple. His brow was creased, but his eyes were unguarded as he watched me, looking for a sign of discomfort.

I moved my legs down his back, pushing my heels into his ass. ‘I’m ready,’ I whispered. He pulled out almost completely, and pushed back in, quicker than before, not breaking his gaze.

‘More. More,’ I said around a gasp.

And he lowered himself on one elbow, the other hand taking my own and holding it over my head, and fucked me. Cullen filled my vision and flooded my senses, and I moved my other hand down to my clit, swollen and ready. 

It wasn’t long before Cullen slowed. ‘I’m sorry, I—I can’t last much longer.’

I nudged his shoulder, leading him to lay down as I took my place over him. I licked the shell of his ear, and he sucked in air harshly through his teeth, his fingers clenching on my hips. My orgasm was approaching too, and my blood curdled under the waiting. 

I leaned away from him, sitting up and reaching back to brace one hand on his thigh. His expression changed then, and his hands roamed up my abdomen to my chest, circling my breasts, thumbs playing with my nipples. Pleasure shot down my arms, and I leaned down to kiss him clumsily under the wave that threatened to take me. I bounced on his lap even as he pulled me down to him, sucking a pert nipple into his mouth, his tongue teasing me as my vision started going white.

I moaned loud and long, my cunt clenching around his cock. His grip tightened, and his teeth nipped at me. I was so close. I mumbled a curse in Elvhen, taking one of his hands and moving it back to my hip. ‘Touch me.’ He obeyed, stretching his thumb to my clit as I ground against him harder. 

He pulled off me with a pop, smashing his lips against mine, pulling back only long enough to speak quickly. ‘I’m going to—’

I nodded against him, huffing, ‘Just…a bit more. Please—ah!’

His thumb pressed harder, and it was the last push to send me over the edge. My skin felt like it floated away from me even as I fluttered around him. He thrust up into me twice more before meeting his own end, his groan and my shout reverberating off the stone walls.

I fell limp against him, our skin sticking in a light layer of sweat. We were still for a moment before he brushed my hair out of my face. ‘How do you feel?’

I didn’t open my eyes. I smiled and nuzzled into his ear. ‘Like…like I wish I had been braver sooner.’

He turned his head to kiss me. ‘I know. But the time I spent with you, there’s nowhere else I wanted to be. Even when…’ he stuttered, and even though I couldn’t see it, I knew he was blushing, ‘…we…had our clothes on.’

I sat up over him, feeling him still inside me, even as he was softening. I fiddled with his hair, twisting a loose curl around my finger. ‘Sleep in my quarters tonight.’

His expression flickered, and when his smile bloomed, I wondered why he had considered hiding his pleasure at my request, and the thought just made me want to kiss my blushing templar a hundred more times.

‘Let’s grab our things.’


End file.
